Please say a prayer for Arden Bucher and stop by and leave a message of support for her family.  This little lady is so tough!  www.caringbridge.org/visit/ardenquinn

Also, please say a prayer for one of our favorite people, Carrie Maniscalco, as she undergoes another operation tomorrow (actually later today).  I’m always so inspired by this young lady.  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/carriemaniscalco

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Thank you, DYSA (www.dysa.org), for the nice link to our website.

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I had the best time Tues. night!  We’re trying to pack a lot in before Ali goes to UD, so I took her to a Phillies game.  By the 4th inning, the Phillies were down 7-0 to their NL East rivals, the NY Mets.  I said to Ali, ‘why don’t we leave in the 7th inning?’.  Ali said she really wanted to stay until the end.  OK, what’s a couple more innings, I thought.  Well, as you may know, the game went 13 innings!!!  :)  But, at least the Phils won!  :)  It was so much fun just hanging out with Ali.  I’m so blessed.

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As many of you head back to school (or have kids heading back to school), I hope you’ll make this the best school year ever.  I know it kind of stinks when summer is over and homework returns.  But, please take a deep breath and try to keep it in perspective.  Make it fun.  (I know you think I’m crazy.)  For all intents and purposes, you’ve got to be there.  You might as well make it enjoyable.  It’s up to you!  You don’t always control what happens to you (don’t I know it!), but you absolutely control how you deal with it.   Be a leader.  Stick up for ‘the little guy’. 

Live Like Andrew - did you make a difference in at least one person’s life today?

B+

May God bless you all; especially my friend, Madelyn, who is grieving the loss of her mother.

Ali’s & Andrew’s Dad

I hope everyone made it a great weekend!

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I want to thank everyone at the Delaware Youth Soccer Association (DYSA) for inviting me to speak at their Annual General Meeting last week.  DYSA has expressed an interest in partnering with the B+ Foundation and we are very appreciative and excited to work with the various soccer clubs in Delaware to increase awareness and funds for our Foundation.  I can’t wait to hear from the clubs.  Sometimes, I’m able to get through my talks without breaking down too much, but I got kind of emotional at this one.  I think it’s because I was with soccer folks and, as I told them, some of our greatest family memories of both Andrew and Ali center around soccer.  Thank you again, DYSA and all the soccer clubs of Delaware, for your support.  The soccer community around the country has been so overwhelming good to us.

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I’ve been meaning to share something with you for quite some time.  A few months back, our friends Amy & Steven invited us to a forum on mental health that was organized by a group in PA called Minding Your Mind.  http://www.mindingyourmind.org/  It was quite fascinating.  The speakers were Kitty Dukakis, Joe Pantaliano (The Sopranos), journalist Pete Early, and the Moderator was an incredible young man named Ross Szabo.  (Ross was recently voted the #1 speaker on college campuses.)  They all talked about the mental health challenges that they or their family members faced.  I strongly encourage you to check out Ross Szabo’s website www.nostigma.org.  He wrote a really great book called “Behind Happy Faces”.  Ross talks very openly about his diagnosis of bipolar disorder.  His book raises so many interesting points about mental health.  For example, mental health, like physical health, should be viewed on a continuum.  At different points in time, you move one way or the other on the continuum.  Mental health should not be viewed in black and white…ie. “He’s crazy” or “He’s ‘normal’”.  That’s ridiculous.  Another interesting item is the question of why do mental health conditions in our society define people.  For example, you might say “John IS bipolar”, but you would never say “Jane IS breast cancer”.  “Bob IS manic depressive” but Fred “ISN’T lung cancer”.  People feel comfortable talking about their physical health, but mental health is a different story.  I can’t do justice to Ross’ book or the Minding Your Mind organization in this Journal Update, but I encourage you to check out the URLs.  Maybe someday, we will be enlightened and compassionate enough to realize the words of Ross’ URL — www.nostigma.org.   Thanks, Amy & Steven, for inviting us to the Forum and introducing us to Ross.

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In closing, how about little old Delaware!!!  Are we on the map or what now? :)   I’m not going to get political here, but I never thought I’d see the day when a Delawarean was on the Presidential/VP ticket.  Maybe people around the country will stop asking “Is that (Delaware) in Pennsylvania?”   :)  (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that.)

My friends, MAKE it a great week and please say a prayer for all the kids and their families who are ‘living’ in the hospitals as they valiantly fight cancer.

Live Like Andrew - SMILE!   

B+

Proud to be,

Ali’s & Andrew’s Dad

Thought you might like this “Ali & Andrew Story”…

Since Ali was young, she has heard that butterflies were signs from loved ones who passed away. Having said that, I’ve been meaning to tell you all a little story.  A few weeks ago, Ali was sitting outside and a butterfly flew over her and landed on her foot.  She moved her foot, hoping to get a picture with her phone, but the butterfly flew away – onto the cushion right next to her head.  After a few seconds, it flew away and landed on her other foot. Again, she tried to take a picture and it flew onto the opposite foot! She couldn’t believe it. She came running inside to tell Chris and me.  Chris said, “Tell him [Andrew] I say ‘hi’.”  Chris was thinking exactly what Ali was.  Chris, Ali and I then cleaned out the garage (what Chris wanted for Mother’s Day J). Two hours later, Ali went back to the backyard and couldn’t believe what happened. As soon as she sat down, the same butterfly flew right back and landed on her again. Can you believe it!? I know Ali was shocked and immediately she knew it was Andrew. 

Ali’s having a hard time.  She misses her best friend so much.  She doesn’t like to talk about her feelings, but at the same time, she realizes that it’s unhealthy to keep all her emotions bottled up inside her.  Life is so different now.  I think college will be a good time for her.  She’ll always be Andrew’s sister, and I know she is so proud of that, but at college she won’t be known only as “Andrew’s sister.” Not that she doesn’t like to be known as “Andrew’s sister,” but people don’t know what to say to her; they feel like they’ll upset her talking about Andrew.  She’ll never forget Andrew, but college will be a new chapter in her life. This way, she can be her own person. 

(But, for those of you who know me well, you know I’m going to miss my little girl when she goes off to school.  But, it’s really exciting too!)

Live Like Andrew (&Ali) - trust, have faith, and “Tenui Nec Dimittam” (”take hold and never let go”)

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God bless you.

Ali’s & Andrew’s Dad

I want to thank the folks at the DuPont Experimental Station in Wilmington (DE) for extending me an invitation to join them at their United Way kick-off meeting in September.  I appreciate the opportunity to introduce OUR Foundation to as many people as possible.  We’ve got a lot of people to help; the more on the team, the better! 

As a reminder, some key information for the upcoming United Way giving season vis-a-vis donating to The Andrew McDonough B+ Foundation.

• United Way of Delaware ‘write-in’ number for B+ Fdn= 11776
• B+ Fdn EIN = 42-1741037
• For Federal and State of DE employees, you can donate in your campaigns by writing in “DCF-Andrew McDonough B+ Foundation”

Thank you very much for your continued support.

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Just a reminder that we have our 2nd Annual B+ Foundation Golf Outing & Dinner/Auction on Sept 15th at the Brandywine Country Club.  Please don’t feel that you need to be a golfer to join us for the dinner and auction.  We’ve got great auction items and a nice dinner planned.  The dinner is only $35.  If you are interested, you can register online for the dinner on the B+ Events tab on www.BePositive.org.

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An organization that provides loaner laptops to kids in the hospital, Kinfolk, will be having their 5k fundraiser on Wed. Sept 10th at 5:30pm at A.I. DuPont Hospital in Wilmington.  If you’re interested in registering, please visit www.races2run.com.

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As the NFL preseason is upon us, I can’t help but think back to two years ago when Andrew surprised me with tickets to an Eagles preseason game.  Many of you have heard this before, but on the way back from the (NJ) shore, I apparently mentioned to him how much I would like to catch a game.  Andrew, working with his Mom, scouted out tickets online and decided to virtually wipe out his bank account to take me, Ali, and Chris to a game.  I was blown away by his thougthfulness and generosity!  We had a great time at the game.  (P.S.  His bank account was left virtually intact; the thought was so much more than the money. )  I’ll never forget that.  My family has blessed me with some great memories!!!

God bless you all as you make the most of each day that you are given.

Live Like Andrew - think of others!

B+

So proud to be,

Ali’s & Andrew’s Dad

I hope everyone MADE it a wonderful weekend.  Thanks to Chris’ parents, we had a great dinner last night to celebrate Chris’ birthday.  Thanks, also, to Chris’ friend from junior high, Cathy Sawyer, who came up from VA Bch to celebrate Chris’ birthday.  I hope Chris felt like a “queen for a day”!!! 

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When I was visiting my friend and chiropractor, Dr. Brian Mowll, the other day, I read the following in his office that I thought you might find interesting as well.  

“Children Learn What They Live”

If a child lives with criticism, s/he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, s/he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, s/he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, s/he learns to feel guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, s/he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement, s/he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, s/he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, s/he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, s/he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, s/he learns to like herself/himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, s/he learns to find love in the world.

Live Like Andrew - be the person that you want to be!

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Ali’s & Andrew’s Dad

For obvious reasons, I often re-count “Andrew Stories” and share my pride in my wonderful son.  But, as we prepare for Ali to go off to college in about 2 weeks, I would be remiss if I didn’t take a moment to credit the strongest influence (aside from God) in Andrew’s life — his big sister, Ali.  Ali and Andrew were inseparable (and I guess still are), close as two people can be, and “twins” in their eyes.  I know Andrew will be “going off to college” with Ali on 8/31…they always do everything together!  :) 

I am equally proud of Ali, as you know from my Journal Updates.  This kid has been through so much and she continues to impress me.  The fact that she can work in a cancer lab this summer just blows me away.  I’m going to miss Ali SO much when she goes off to school! 

I sometimes feel a little awkward with my demonstrations of pride in my kids.  I hope you all understand.  I’m not saying that my children are the only wonderful kids in the world.  I hope ALL parents have the same pride in their kids that I have in mine.  I just LOVE being a parent!

Chris and Ali have been busy shopping for Ali’s dorm room.  She got her room and roommate assignment last week and we’re all getting excited.  It’s a strange feeling.  I’m excited for her to go because it’s such an exciting time in a person’s life, but I’m also getting kind of bummed out that my little girl will be moving out shortly.  Is that possible??? I sometimes wonder ‘where did the years go’ but then I look in the mirror at my nearly bald head and wrinkles and realize yeah, I guess I am that old !!! 

Ali shared with me a quote (not sure who to attribute it to…sorry) that I think is wonderful.

“There are some who bring a light so great to the world that even after they have gone, the light remains.”

Here’s hoping and praying that we all strive to make our “light so great”.

Live Like Andrew …and Ali - shine brightly!

B+

Ali’s & Andrew’s Dad

I thought it might be worthwhile to re-print a Journal Entry from last year regarding our thoughts on what to say to a grieving family.  Please recognize that we don’t claim to be experts, we just shared (and continue to share) our thoughts based upon our own experience.  It is very painful for me to read old Journal Entries, especially those detailing Andrew’s valiant battle.  My son fought so hard!  People only know about half of what this beautiful child went through.

Lately, I’ve had a few people say “I know what you’re going through.  My father/mother died last year at 80.”  I don’t mean to be rude, but please don’t say that you know what we’re going through because your 80 year old parent passed away.  My father passed away at 68 and, yes, I felt cheated and extremely sad.  But, with all due respect to my Dad, there is NO comparison to losing a child!  My heart goes out to EVERYONE who loses a relative - at any age- but please don’t say you know what we’re going through. 

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“Friday, August 31, 2007

Over the past 6 weeks, so many people have said to us “I don’t know what to say.” It’s an understandable sentiment – what do you say to someone who has just lost a child and brother at such a young age? For what it’s worth, here’s my perspective. Please recognize that this is just my opinion; I don’t claim to be an expert on this.

“What you should NOT say or do”

• Please don’t say “I know what you’re going through.” (unless you’re a child that has lost a hamster!…I appreciated that posting the other day J). If you haven’t lived through this experience, you can’t imagine the pain. Even among those of us who have lost children, all of our situations are different.
• Please don’t say anything like “You’ll get over it”. I will, hopefully, learn to cope with what has happened, but I will NEVER “get over it”.
• Please don’t say “Andrew LOST his battle with leukemia…”! Andrew did NOT lose anything. As he even said in the hospital, he was “undefeated”. He fought bravely and suffered through pain for an extra 166 days so that we could benefit from his lessons. Andrew is in Heaven! I’d say he won!

What you SHOULD say or do

• Just about anything else! J
• I LOVE hearing you talk about Andrew and what he meant to all of you. Andrew has passed away, but please don’t erase his memory. Let’s talk about him…celebrate him! People are afraid that it will upset us by talking about him. You can rest assured that we’re thinking about him anyway…I’d rather talk about him.
• Reach out to those of us who are grieving. It can be a simple smile, a phone call, a posting on a website, or a hug. It doesn’t really matter how eloquent you are, but that you cared enough to reach out. Some people stress out so much about ‘what to say’ that they don’t even reach out. You might be saying “yeah, but I don’t want to bother you if you want to be alone”. Well, I have two parts to that answer. First, there are ways – cards, postings, etc – that will allow you to reach out without fear of intruding. Second, we don’t have to answer our phones if we’re not up for a conversation J and we can always say ‘no’ to the offer for lunch or whatever.

And, don’t get too stressed out about talking to those of us who have lost a child…we know you mean well. That’s the most important thing.

Folks, don’t worry about finding the “perfect thing to say”. There is NO such thing. There are no magical words that are going to erase my pain. Just knowing that Andrew changed the world helps minimize the sting just a little bit. And, knowing that you are going to live differently because of Andrew, means a lot to us.

This is, obviously, the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. One minute, you can feel like you’re coping well, and the next minute, your world just comes crashing down on you. And, grieving people learn to ‘fake it’ pretty well. Don’t be fooled, though…we still need your prayers.

I know Andrew is with God. That thought, and the fact that I am blessed with Chris and Ali, are what’s keeping me going. Your prayers and support are so helpful as well. Thank you.

I hope you find my perspective helpful as you deal with grieving families, regardless of their individual circumstances. Once again, it’s just one guy’s opinion.

Have a safe and happy Labor Day/Andrew’s Birthday Weekend!”

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I hope someone finds this helpful.

Live Like Andrew - make a difference in the world!

B+

So proud to be,

I’ve been slacking a little bit over the past week with my postings.  :)  A lot has been happening, though.

Last Tues. night, Ali and I traveled to Harrington, DE for the viewing of Matthew Faulkner, the courageous little 2 year old boy that we got to know when we were in the hospital last year.  Seeing a casket that small just literally takes your breath away.

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YOUR Foundation has awarded FOUR more grants to families of critically ill children.  The four, brave young folks are:

• a 15 yr old NJ boy who is battling AML (Leukemia) which has caused him to be quadriplegic
• a 17 yr old PA boy with Burkitt’s Lymphoma
• a 7 yr old PA boy with biphenic leukemia
• and a 2 yr old DE girl with ALL (Leukemia)

Thank you for your generosity!

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I had the honor to visit a new friend yesterday at A.I. duPont Hospital, Isaiah Smith. 

Isaiah is a 12 yr old MD boy battling Leukemia.  Isaiah is a great kid who is a big Philadelphia Eagles fan.  In talking with Isaiah, you would have thought he was a doctor.  He was telling me about his counts, his meds, etc.  Very cool kid!  Isaiah, I hope you like your B+ shirt and B+ medal. 

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I would like to ask for prayers for two more people today.  Adam Dryden, a friend of Andrew’s, is sick right now and we prayed for him in church today.  The doctors aren’t 100% sure what the actual diagnosis is.  Let’s pray that it’s not too serious.  Also, please pray for my brother-in-law, Dan.  Boy, you want to see a guy with the B+ spirit!  Dan was moved to HUP (Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania) and has split time between the ICU and the Oncology units.  There have been some very, very difficult days for Dan (and his family).

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I want to thank you all SO much for posting kind messages on Shayla’s website.  It was so nice to see so many familiar B+ names on Shayla’s guestbook.  I’m sure it means so much to Shayla.  If you haven’t visited her site, you’re missing out.  This kid is unbelievable!

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Finally, I’d like to thank Big Al Szolack for inviting me to speak at his basketball camp in Mullica Hill, NJ.  And, thank you for allowing me to present the “Andrew McDonough B+ Heart of a Champion” award to young Mr. Mainart.  You embody the “Heart of a Champion” spirit.

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Live Like Andrew - make the most of each day.

B+

Ali’s & Andrew’s Dad

P.S.  Happy belated birthday to Andrew’s buddy, Michael Lemonick!

If you do only one thing this week, please click on the attached link and learn about an incredible young lady named Shayla.  (Please see her July 31st posting.)  I can’t do justice to Shayla’s faith, courage, and maturity, but, in short, she is a 17 year old girl who is preparing for the “beginning of the end” of her journey on earth.  I am just blown away by this special young lady.  I’m sure she would love to receive support from the B+ Nation.  Thank you.

http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/inputSiteName.do?method=search&siteName=shayla-la

Live Like Andrew - put others before yourself!

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Ali’s & Andrew’s Dad

Sorry that it’s been a few days since my last posting.

As many loyal Caringbridge followers may already know, it saddens me to report that young Matthew Faulkner passed away on Friday.  We feel for all of the families who are living in this surreal world, but we feel an even greater connection to those that were in the hospital with us.  Matthew was a neighbor of ours while we ‘lived’ in 3A - the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at A.I. duPont Hospital.  Matthew was only 2 years old and he battled both ALL and AML types of Leukemia.  To Matthew’s Mom, Shannon, and Matthew’s whole family, I am sure that Andrew is keeping an eye on Matthew.  Andrew LOVED little children while he was here with us on earth and I’m sure that hasn’t changed!  If you would like to provide uplifting words to Matthew’s family, his Caringbridge website is as follows:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/matthewfaulkner

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Please keep Matthew’s family in your prayers.  Please think about Matthew’s family as your worry about the start of the work week or the weeks of summer vacation remaining.

Live Like Andrew - hug your loved ones!!!

God bless you all.  Thank you for all your prayers and for being such great messengers of the B+ story!

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Ali’s & Andrew’s Dad